Friday, April 21, 2006


I just don't care how healthy scallions are. I don't care if they provide 997 IUs of Vit A, if they're a good source of folate, or if they're part of the healthy onion fam. Okay, GREAT, they provide more Vit C and beta-carotene than a full-grown onion. Wonderful, they're simple to cook with. Fabulous, they're easy to grow. But WHO REALLY CARES about how healthy these little green rascals are when they turn your fresh, neutral-tasting mouth into a warm, potent, lingering bath of "onion-ous" steam?

They look harmless, don't they. Don't be fooled. Chowhound's General Topics message board reveals:

"I'm a Chinese-American who grew up with Chinese cooking at home and loves all sorts of Asian cuisine. But I hate scallions, and can never order in an Asian restaurant without asking the staff, "can you make it without scallions?" Scallion pancakes, negimaki, blech! Then scallions started turning up in Italian pastas...aargh. My friend once made me an anti-scallion t-shirt."

And there you have it, folks. This smart person recognized the truth. Scallions are fooling people everyday. They know they are life's best kept secret upon how to scare away a flock of fellow friends... They want you to be alone, all alone. They haunt you while you sleep. Suddenly, scallion-breath will jolt you awake and no longer will you be able to re-kindle your pleasant dream about frolicking in the strawberry fields. You have been beaten. Scallions will win over us all if we don't put an end to their lure. They mask the truth behind a bland miso soup, a creamy cream cheese, an egg-white omelet... They're just a deceptive ploy to knock out any other taste bud in your mouth-- all so that Little Miss Scallion can govern your oral empire and take over the world!!!!!!!

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