Friday, March 17, 2006

Got Flava?

David Burke, a leading NYC chef (now inventor), created what he believes to be the next best thing to chocolate cake. Sit down, drum roll your thigh, and take a deep breath…

A “SPRAY” chocolate cake!

Need I say more?

I should probably end this blog entry RIGHT ABOUT HERE.

But I’m just so excited right now I could hardly contain my typing-fingers.

Just imagine... A luscious piece of chocolate cake in your mouth, without the cals, carbs, cholesterol, sugar, or fat. Finally, you can have your cake, eat it too—AND get out of jail for free! And according to Burke, it will, “…eliminate your cravings.”

Well, put aside your chuck-box full of Hydroxycut, Hollywood Miracle Diet, and Wow potato chips, and sign up for the FLAVA ride!!!

Can’t stand the sarcasm? Neither can I.

Ready for… the catch?

You’re probably now expecting me to berate Burke’s Flavor Spray, tear apart every last ingredient that could possibly be inside of this chemically loaded squirt gun, and put him to shame…

Well, lucky you, I do not have the ingredient list in my pocket for an on-hand attack. But I do have a list of countless flavors that I am thrilled to ridicule at my leisure. And boy do I have the leisure…

I haven’t tried a “flavor spray,” myself, nor do I have a dying urge to run out and load up my cabinets with them, but I'll play the role of the unfair critic anyway.

Here are a list of some of Burke's fine Flavor Sprays (and my very informative commentary)

1. Parmesan Cheese Spray – Riiiight, you try to convince Mama Italiana to have her Rigatoni à la Spray…

2. Pesto Spray – sure, I could see this working—if you add in your own pine nuts and oil, that is…

3. Smoked Bacon Spray – the spray has to be better than the real thing…

4. Caramelized Onion Spray – Who cares?

5. Ketchup Spray – Why?

6. Buttery Spray - Didn’t we have enough when I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!® came out with “spray butter” ? Apparently not…

7. Memphis BBQ Spray – Okay, you tell one of your BBQ buddies to substitute “spray” on their ribs, that’ll go over well.

8. Ice Blue Salt Spray – What the %$*# is this? Do I spray this into my pool?

9. Apple Pie Spray – What are you, an All-American traitor?

10. Pepper City Spray – can I use this instead of Mace?

11. Raspberry Bubblegum Spray – Clue a girl in, this spray goes on… ???

12. Marshmallow Spray – Can I toast this?

13. Cheesecake Spray – no comment.

14. Chocolate Fudge Spray – next.

15. Kiwi Spray – I’m confused. This WONDROUS fruit is cholesterol-free, saturated fat-free, high in fiber, high in vitamin C, a good source of potassium, a good source of vitamin E, sodium-free… and you want to spray it?

16. Mango Spray – ditto.

17. Pinapple Spray – sacrilege.

18. Blueberry Spray – have fun missing out on one of the world’s healthiest foods…


1 comment:

Douglas Cress said...

I tried the spray diet. Let me tell you, it doesn't work.

Once that chocolate cake flavor hit my lips I couldn't stop spraying...and spraying...and spraying.

Ten pounds and ten thousand sprays later I finally learned that like anything else...spray in moderation.

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